Morning Star The quick roll of her eyes, …
The quick roll of her eyes, the dimple in her cheeks, as her lips lift and part are what he searched for.
The moments he remembered from years ago was the way she smiled, and laughed when he said such and such as if her smile could fill the night sky.
He reached for her after years of missing the way she filled the room with hope and compassion hoping one day- this day, would be theirs to hold in constant memory.
A day they changed from being college sweethearts, to distant friends, to reaching past state lines to find one another again, to husband and wife, to create this little babe to hold and love in the everlasting glow of their morning star.
Birth is not a laughing matter but it should be. We should enjoy our birth, be lighthearted and move with our bodies, joke with our partners as a celebration of the day we meet our babies. The most recent birth that I had the honor of attending was just that, silly, fun and a celebration of two very amazing people, Carrie and Brian welcoming their beautiful daughter.
This birth did not start off the way Carrie wanted, with an induction.
***** Inductions are scary, overwhelming, and nerve-wracking because this is giving over control to a medicalized birth with a much higher chance of ending with a cesarean section. Let’s face it most of us during our last weeks of pregnancy are torn between wanting the baby out and needing just one more day. An induction means you can’t avoid birthing without monitors, IV tubes that need to be managed (because they always get tangled and the feeling of an IV tube being pinched or tug in your arm sucks and don’t forget the random beeping of a bag finishing up), the bleeps, beeps, and glowing incandescent lights of so many monitors pulling moms out of the comfort zone plus you are actually in labor while all this is happening. Inductions with all this going on can still be manageable if you have support, patience and a care provider that actually gives a sh%t about your birth plan.******
This birth had just that, it was not easy to see this in the beginning, but as I explained to Brian, Carrie and Janet (Carrie’s awesome mom) that an absent care provider (OB/GYN) can be a blessing in disguise during an induction. I have attended several inductions and adding HypnBirthing to an induction is a secret weapon if you ask me. Most OBs will start an induction at the lowest dose and then periodically increase the dose based on what the monitor says not what the mom is doing and if a mom is “handling” the contractions with ease they think it’s not working. OB’s also expect a minimum of 24 hours with an induction but they can last for days, which always boggles my mind because we induce because the mom is “overdue” but if mom is allowed to be induced for 3 days then why not let her stay in the comfort of her home for those days. Using HypnoBirthing and having support can cut this time in half.
I know you must be going- this is supposed to be about laughter and birth, when is the fun going to start, I just wanted to make sure that people understood that this wasn’t one of those idealize perfect births that people love to hate, but it did become exactly that and you too can have the birth people love to hate. The birth with gentle music playing, a loving husband and supportive non-judgmental mother patiently waiting for the moment of birth.
Ok back to funny stuff- When I met Brian after a long day of work for the first time, he seemed like the quiet type, quickly agreeing to the idea of HypnoBirthing and a doula in one, with the simple line, “I just don’t want to do anything.” At first this made me a bit nervous, but then I realized what that meant- it meant, “I don’t want to screw up and I want to actually enjoy the birth of my daughter.” Sometimes when a guy checks out at a birth it’s because he is overwhelmed physically and emotionally which is why having a doula is important, someone to support both mom and dad no matter what.
Brian and Carrie are really one of those sweet love stories old college sweethearts who reconnected almost 20 years later. Carrie joked about her Geriatric Ovaries and how ridiculous that any doctor would ever say that to a woman- how to make a girl feel sexy- I mean really! Then the day of her induction 5/13 and still no name for the baby- so Brian spent the whole day suggesting famous witch names, Samantha, Sabrina, Herminia and so on- I was pushing for Herminia but it didn’t stick.
Then Brian went on to goof around with every nurse trying on hospital gowns and masks walking the hallways, joking about his parents who came to watch their dog texting randomly about how to use the remote more than once. He did exactly what he was supposed to do- he kept his wife smiling, he kept her distracted from the time, the induction, the hours that were creeping by. He did exactly what a husband should do be the man that she fell in love with, the guy that makes her life better even when she wants to cry, who sees the world as a better place because she is by his side. He didn’t have to worry about the annoying nurse who was obsessed with the monitor (but that annoying nurse’s tireless efforts to monitor a happy baby kept Carrie out of the OR because if she hadn’t the OB would have enough declarations to prove an unnecessary c-section so thank you annoying nurse), or the doctor who had no good advice accept “Yea that sometimes happens” when she woke up stomach sick after not eating. Brian didn’t have to think about the best position to have her in, or if her body mechanics were correct for birthing, whether a peanut ball would help (YES-Yes they do) and when the Rebozo should come out- these were all my jobs to think about.
Brian got to be Brian and Carrie got to be the calm powerful woman I grew to love, because less than 12 hours after Pitocin started, Carrie had her beautiful calm birth that ever surprised me. With HypnoBirthing most doctors or nurses will not see the difference between 6cm dilated and 10 cms and ready to birth your baby, but all I need to hear is that little change in breathing, the guarding of body position, and one or two grunts to make me wonder if it was time. Carrie finally became “uncomfortable” and I asked the doctor to come in, the room shift from silly to serious and Brian shifted his mood too. She gave us one push, and it was the early morning, she was tired and that was ok, she had the right to be tired, if she needed to rest I would be more than will to talk her through it for as long as she needed. This baby had a way of moving away from the monitor every time a nurse thought she had it right so she could leave the room, and she proved it again she was going to mess with the doctor and nurses til the very end. After one push the doctor thought the same thing I did, “we have time” she had another patient next door at 10 cm so she went to check on her but as soon as she left, Carrie showed us what a powerful determined woman she was who was incredibly connected to her body and baby. She later said she knew the first push didn’t feel right, so she let go of all her tight muscles and curled around her baby and allowed her daughter to nudge down. When we hit the call button, we heard the doctor in the hallway shout, “YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!” and 10 mins later Danica was born- to an overjoyed father, mother and grandmother.
p.s. Please enjoy this sweet video of this beautiful couple welcoming their morning star- Danica
Why do so many pregnant moms-to-be trust in epidurals so much that they opt out of childbirth classes? Why do so many of us believe motherhood should just come naturally?
Then birth and parenthood comes and the majority of parents feel scared, overwhelmed, and like they failed as new parents.
Why spend hundreds even thousands on strollers, cribs, home improvements when they will only not fit right or only be used for a very short period of time. But that anxiety and sense of i could of done it better, will last longer than you will ever know. Less than 50% of pregnant women will take a class- and ones that do feel more prepared, more relaxed during their birth than moms that didn’t take a class. What if i told you the average first HypnoBirth is 5 hours long compared to the average first birth is 24 hours long. Take my custom at home class and I will teach to have an awesome birth and teach you how use all those gadgets you got at your baby shower.
Call today for free consultation 203-800-5772
A Mermaid’s Birth Swim in the summer sun
twist and turn, dive deep,
let the current pull you
to depths never touched before.
Glide along the waves until
they bring you back to shore.
Feel the earth kiss the sea,
feel the sea pull at the earth where
granules of sand rest in pockets
of tidal waves reminders of when
Mother Earth and Poseidon created you- our fearless child of the earth and sea. -KS
My beautiful clients Kim and Ron took this amazing photo of their daughter- Kim had a beautiful HypnoBirth where she danced, and laughed during her birth despite needing to be induced. She rode waves that twisted and turned, Kim at times wondered if the shore was drifting further away or getting closer. The summer sun rose and she let go of her fears, her worries, and allowed each surge bring her closer to this beautiful little girl.
As I embark on the endless research project regarding Maternal Poetry and redefining the concepts of motherhood, I found this Tedx Talk with Kate Dimpfl regarding sex and birth. Perhaps watching this birth you will better understand how changing our idea of birth will help also change your experience.
In a society that has extremes when it comes to the idea of motherhood, we have to invest in why this is?
Motherhood historically was how a family expanding their working capability, it was not until the Industrial Age that the family left the home to provide for the home, more children meant more people to work the land. Women did not even have the reproductive rights to birth control until 1972. Take a minute and think about that.
That means not only the first time you had sex may have resulted in a pregnancy but every other time you had sex you could be pregnant, most when spent the majority of their lives after adolescence pregnant or nursing. I was 17 when I lost my virginity, I used a condom and then was allowed to make an appointment without my parents’ knowledge and was prescribed the pill by my doctor. This was a luxury my mother did not have and neither did yours.
Women have only had a very short period in our history in learning about our bodies, becoming comfortable with sexuality, and in turn demystifying our misconception of birth.
Although I took a historical turn from the inspiration of this blog post I feel that it still matters and is connected with the initial idea. We as women need to invest in understanding our bodies, birth and the idealized unrealistic concepts of what motherhood looks like.
I have embarked on the daunting task of pursuing my MFA in Poetry- I began to write poetry as a child. It was the years of teaching childbirth education, especially HypnoBirthing that developed my collection and desire to teach the unPregnant woman about birth through poetry. Go ahead Google search Maternal Poetry, it’s not very dense.
So why torture myself with this task of writing poetry in genre that is not fully developed? Because when I discuss birth with women that are not mothers they are engaged, full of questions and aching to know more. Their questions are open and honest not yet filtered by the guilt of motherhood. Women very often have this misguided belief that once they become pregnant, a valve opens with this maternal knowledge that is hidden within our DNA. Yes, hormones aid in this fundamental transformation from woman to mother. But let’s face it, we have no clue what a placenta is, or how a baby comes out, or even what this magically number of 10cm means to our body, any other time in our lives. This is coming from a woman that had no clue where a tampon went until I got my period at 15.
That’s why I love engaging in conversations that are honest, silly, and real when it comes to our bodies and birth because fear is what holds us down, ladies! We fear communicating with our partners, our bosses, our doctors, we give up because we don’t understand how it all works. We are human and we are not suppose to understand tomorrow, hell we don’t even have to quite get today. But we deserve to understand how our bodies work, how it reacts to stress, pain and fear.
While I was at the MFA holiday party, one of my fellow poets a young woman writing an amazing collection on female sexuality asked me, “So what is it you do? Do you go to births?” I was more than happy to answer, because I truly believe it is important to tell women that birth is not SCARY. I had a young professor in Psychology ask me to be her doula because I explained it in away that was so against the grain of everything she every heard in textbooks. So engaging in a group of young female poets, they started to ask about pushing, risks of mortality (something most pregnant women wouldn’t dare ask, bottling up that fear), we discussed why babies have soft spots on their head, that babies are engaged and active during birth, and poop. So we laughed and talked openly about how freaking awesome women’s bodies are and concluded with 3 basics.
First things First-
Your body is made to do this. So let it.
Birth will surprise you, it will take you right out of your comfort zone so be honest and trust that you will listen to your body. So listen to your body when it is menstruating, do you get horny the week before your period, do you love to clean, eat salty and sweet, does your back ache, are you sensitive to sounds and light because this is what you will feel during labor at your future birth.
Take a DAMN CLASS! Medical Interventions have been proven to not be the blessed band-aid for birth “pains.” Education, meditation, self-awareness, learning to become confident and self-advocate all come from EDUCATION. So find a class that will teach you to understand your birthing body not just how to be a good patient, because you are not sick you are having a baby. (one day, or never but you will probably have a time that you really wish you knew what was going on with your breasts and uterus)
And I will be around, to answer those questions or I will help you find them.
Is a calm beautiful woman, confident and loving; who radiates with strength and compassion, not only for others but for oneself.
This will be a full day workshop that will be hands on, engaging and spiritually fulfilling. We will be completely honest, which will lead to laughter and tears of joy because lets face we wouldn’t do this unless we totally loved birth and empowering women.
The workshop will begin with sharing your experience and how it lead you to working in the birthing community. Please bring your business cards to share with one another. I will be encouraging everyone to network with one another so that we can better serve our community.
Part 1 → An Instant Connection with your Client:
- Learn to engage and connect right away- The phone rings what do you say?
- Learn how language and tone is our most valuable tool. Your website, your business card, your body language may be deterring your client rather than engaging them.
- Build confidence and trust in yourself, so you do not transfer your own fears.
- Develop your intuitive confidence, so you can fully support the birthing family. Your voice and body language should be radiating confidence and love.
Part 2 → Hands on Skills to Pass onto your Clients:
- Learn my Birth Movement positions; when to use them and why.
- Learn self-relaxation calming techniques to better engage your clients to follow your lead. By releasing your fears you will sooth the birthing mother.
- By teaching while doing, you are creating a strong bond between mother and partner, you should be there Sherpa guiding them up the mountain rather than, climbing the mountain for them.
- Building confidence so that the partner always feel valuable, strengthening the bond between mother and partner.
We will Pause and Enjoy a Potluck Lunch, to nourish one another, to engage and learn from one another. This will give us a chance to promote ourselves and one another.
Part 3 → Developing your Observational Skills:
- Let me teach you how to listen, observe, and support your client fully.
- Learn how to listen effectively to nurses, doctors and midwives so that you can minimize everyone’s fear and anxiety.
- Learn how to be the voice of reason not the “Bulldog Barking” or the “Shy Wallflower”
- What have we learned from observing one another? Who would we hire in our group as a labor companion and why?
- We will create an Affirmation Confirmation Board, that will explore your goals and aspirations as a birth worker.
- Birth Poetry– How writing allows you to Heal, Connect, and Grow as the deeply loving community that we are.
- We will end with a Healing Circle to seal our workshop with the knowledge that we are a community working in unity, with a sacred belief that we support the birthing mother and we support one another in the birth community never against one other.
Contact me today to host this amazing one day workshop at your home.
The Lasting Benefits of taking my workshop:
- I will feature your website on my resource page, so that more families in Connecticut will know that you are there to support them as they transform into loving families.
- Unlimited doula mentoring for 6 months after the workshop.
- You will feel more confident in your skills as a birth companion/doula, childbirth educator and as an entrepreneur who will have lasting passion for the amazing work that you are doing for your community.